It is possible that I am absolutely, positively the most boring mom in the world….
or at least I think that is what my 7 year old sometimes believes.
His little heart was hurt on Friday when his dad sent me a text in the very early morning, saying that he would not be picking him after school as promised…….AGAIN.
Little Kid’s father lives 2 and a half hours away. Per our custody arrangement, he picks Little Kid up every other Friday from school and he returns home on Sunday-that is when he actually sticks to the arrangement. Dad works for himself and as a contractor, he sets his own schedule and is off on Fridays except when some work suddenly “comes up” that absolutely must be completed on his planned weekend with Little Kid. Whether he is actually “working” or not is not my business but the resulting tears and the little broken heart is nothing but my business.
I broke the news that dad wouldn’t be coming over waffles that morning. My approach was to give him the facts but quickly follow it up with, “we will have a great weekend, we always find plenty to do.” But let’s be real-I knew that nothing that I said would stop the tear fest and it didn’t. “My dad’s house is fun, I don’t want to stay here. Fridays suck if I don’t see my dad.”
Believe me, I have learned not to take these words personally for the most part but sometimes not being the “fun” one does suck a tiny bit.
Dad has always been a rock star in Little Kid’s eyes because spending time with him has always been a novelty even back when his dad and I were still a twosome. Well kinda, sorta a twosome….dad was still not around all that much. His work kept him away 4-5 days a week and he was only home on the weekends. So in regards to the rearing of Little Kid, I’ve always done the heavy lifting while Dad provided the weekend fun fest.
What dad doesn’t see is the mess of a boy that is left when the weekend party is cancelled. The boy who is disappointed on missing out on the bi-weekly trip to Toys R Us, the doughnut breakfasts and pizza pig outs.
It’s no fun to deal with disappointment and my past attempts of trying to clue dad in on the emotional state of our boy has only resulted in him saying that “I am just laying on a guilt trip.” So I gave up because frankly I’ve realized that it is not my job to convince him to take responsibility for his own actions.
My job consists of things that dad will never experience and will never understand.
Hectic mornings spent making breakfast and school lunch, tucking in shirts, constantly reminding him to wash his face, having him tie his shoes again but the correct way this time so he doesn’t trip and fall. Flying out the door with a backpack, mom’s bags, lunch boxes, maybe a show and tell item grabbed at the very last moment because he forgot earlier. Making my way through traffic for an elementary, middle and high school to sit in the “car riding ramp” line for his school, hoping that the other rushed parents keep the line moving steadily so mama won’t be late to work.
Dad doesn’t see the daily after school pick up done by Grandpa or the drop offs at Karate and Piano lessons either. He isn’t sitting at the table with Grandma helping with the mounds of homework that our little second grader brings home everyday. Dad isn’t witness to the struggle of getting it all done-making sure that Little Kid is happy, well fed and clothed and trying to find time to keep mama healthy and well too. There is no missing out on work to take Little Kid to the doctor when he is sick or no sitting patiently at the playground or the bouncy house place while Little Kid plays knowing that there is laundry to be washed and groceries that need to be bought.
What he also doesn’t see is the sweet kisses mama gets before Little Kid jumps out of the car at school….the excitement he feels when Grandpa and Grandma let him stay up late and watch a movie on Friday nights at their house when Mama has to work. He misses out on the all of the details of little kid’s every day…he didn’t see Little Kid bursting with pride when he moved up to a yellow belt in Karate or how he couldn’t wait to tell mama that he made the Honor Roll.
Every day life around here is not always a party but this is our life. It is not always exciting and it certainly isn’t perfect but it is real and it is filled with endless amounts of love. It used to bother me that Little Kid considered dad the fun one but I am now confident that one day he will come to appreciate the “boring” life that he has lived surrounded by the love and comfort that my family and I provide…..the life filled with boring routines but the security of knowing that we are always there for him and that we will never,ever let him down.
So maybe I am absolutely, positively the most boring mom in the world. But you know what? I am positively okay with that because my love for that boy is endless and unfailing….
and I’ll be damned if a doughnut could ever top that.
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